


hungry and hollow

by TrashcanGod



Series: i will turn myself into a gun [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I'd recommend not reading until you've at least reached the end of the December palace, M/M, Spoilers, character study of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 16:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11338905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashcanGod/pseuds/TrashcanGod
Summary: "I will turn myself into a gun, becauseit's all I have,because I'm hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own."(Richard Siken, Wishbone)





	hungry and hollow

Upon entering his apartment, Goro silently closed and locked his door, then gently slipped off his shoes. He entered the spartan living room and set his briefcase on the coffee table, gingerly so that the metal case wouldn't clunk against the wood, then perched himself on the edge of the couch, allowing himself to slump just a bit.

One wouldn't even notice his distress if not for the slight tremor in his hands.

He had hoped he was wrong. He had hoped to whatever cruel gods may be that he was wrong when he began suspecting Akira and his entourage—or at least for his friends to be acting on their own, while Akira himself was somehow entirely uninvolved. But no, the fates seemed to have it out for Akechi Goro as they always did, and the first person he'd felt a connection with in years (or perhaps his entire life) just so happened to be the cocksure leader of the Phantom Thieves.

It had been foolish of him to hope.

There, in the darkness of his apartment, Goro allowed his composure to break. A grimace marred his face, and he wasn't sure whether it was one of pain or sadness or unbridled rage, but whatever it was was twisting his insides and clawing at the shell that was his body. He wanted to lash out, to _kill;_  kill Shido, kill that man's disgusting associates, kill Akira ( _no, no, why him, please god don't make me kill him, too_ ).

Instead, he remained still, sitting rigid as a maelstrom ripped through his chest. With jerky movements and shaky hands, Goro pulled out his phone and examined the undeniable evidence once more: pictures of the Phantom Thieves stumbling back into their own world—Kitagawa Yusuke, Takamaki Ann, Sakamoto Ryuji, Niijima Makoto (now there was a real kicker), Akira's cat(?), along with two girls he didn't recognize from his previous run-ins with the group, because apparently they just couldn't _stop_ making friends.

His thumb hesitated for a breath over the play button on the video that followed. Though he'd viewed the clip enough times to have every frame memorized, he just kept watching it, picking at the wound before it could stop weeping. He tapped the screen, and bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming.

Kurusu Akira, being gracelessly spit out by the Metaverse. He nearly lost his balance for a second there, long arms flying out as he stumbled for a couple of steps, before firmly planting both feet on the ground and standing up straight, casually adjusting his glasses and fiddling with his fringe (an infuriating habit that Goro could never look away from).

The evidence was damning, but Goro felt as if he was the one being damned.

In a burst of anger and devastation, he flung his phone across the room, finding a vague satisfaction in the way it thudded against the bare wall before its muffled fall to the carpet.

This world had always been cruel and callous, but this was beyond that. This was giving Goro a taste of something he'd always wanted but never thought he could have, then ripping it away from his desperate grasp. Fresh coffee brewed by patient hands, barely-there smiles and smirks, teasing that could almost constitute as flirting, intelligent conversations in which both parties stood on equal ground and any differing opinion was treated with respectful acceptance—he could feel it all slipping through his fingers, all that was and all that could have been.

Already, he missed Akira. He'd see him soon, he was sure, for the two of them had a way of finding each other; but he knew that next time, that comfortable ease would be dulled by trepidation. Their time together could no longer be considered as time with a maybe-friend (the first and only person Goro had ever labelled as such), but as fraternizing with the enemy.

Goro was disappointed and angry and crushed, but most of all, he felt _betrayed_. A smaller part of him whispered that it was unreasonable, but a much louder part, the part that shot people dead without hesitation and donned a black mask and a cruel sneer, screamed that this was all Akira's fault. How dare he partake in Goro's company and earn his, dare he say it, _trust_ , when he knew how this would play out? He'd at least known of Goro's general stance on the Phantom Thieves from day one, yet still he continued to string him along. Had this been some sort of game to him? Had Akira felt satisfaction in knowing that he was always one step ahead? (Goro didn't want to consider the possibility that Akira felt that inexplicable tug just as strongly as himself; that he, too, was of the opinion that their bond was an inevitability.)

Akechi Goro would, sooner or later, have to kill Kurusu Akira. He once half-jokingly suggested that perhaps the two of them were fated to meet, and he still stood by that, in a way. Only now, it seemed that the fates intended for one of them to die by the other's hand.

He wasn't entirely sure whom he'd rather be the victor.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay listen I still have to multichapter fics in the works but good lord I played Persona 5 and I'm fucking RUINED.
> 
> I started ng+ the other day, and got to where Akira and Akechi meet (and wanted to cry every time Akechi said anything), and I had the gut-wrenching realization that there's no way in hell Akechi knew that those three were the Phantom Thieves that early on--I mean, if he had, he wouldn't have made that slip up with Morgana. He might have suspected things after a little while, but if he was certain about it before he saw them going to Okumura's palace, I feel like his conversations with Akira would have been a bit more substantial; less friendly chatting, more info-mining. Which means that Akechi genuinely reached out to Akira because he thought he'd finally found someone who could be a friend, only for it to blow up in his face.
> 
> I'm not okay.
> 
> Fuck this fucking game goodbye.
> 
> (If you enjoyed this suffering, then perhaps consider [visiting my tumblr.](https://inquisitivelizard.tumblr.com))


End file.
